"I Don't Know What's Wrong — I Just Feel Off": A Guide to Understanding Your Mental Health
"I don't know what's wrong — I just feel off."
If you've ever said these words, you're not alone. At Proactive For Her, we hear this from women every single day. There's something so relatable about that feeling of knowing something isn't right, but not being able to name it or explain it to anyone else.
Growing up in India, most of us weren't taught to identify our emotions. When we tried to express feeling overwhelmed or sad, we heard responses like "Don't overthink it," "You're being too sensitive," or "Just stay strong." These well-meaning words taught us to push down our feelings rather than understand them. No wonder so many of us struggle to recognize what we're experiencing — and it often takes years before we seek help.
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What is Anxiety, Really?
Let's talk about anxiety first. Think of anxiety as your internal alarm system that's gotten stuck. It's constantly ringing, even when there's no real emergency. You know that feeling of constant tension in your body? Those racing thoughts that won't slow down? That persistent worry that something bad is about to happen? That's anxiety.
For many Indian women, anxiety sounds like this: "What if I let everyone down?" or "What if I'm not good enough?" It feels like carrying a heavy knot in your stomach that never goes away. It's the exhausting pressure to be the perfect daughter, wife, mother, and professional — while making it all look effortless.
Here's what we need to understand: the people-pleasing, the guilt, the overwhelming pressure to "manage everything" — these aren't just personality traits. They're deeply connected to anxiety, especially in our culture where women are expected to be everyone's emotional support system while rarely receiving support themselves.
If you suspect you have anxiety - we have a free assessment that can help you assess your symptoms.
What is Depression, Really?
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While anxiety makes you feel too much, depression often makes you feel too little. It's that low energy that sleep doesn't fix, the hopelessness that colors everything gray, and the emotional numbness that makes you wonder if you'll ever feel joy again.
Here's something important: many Indian women don't recognize depression because we expect it to look like constant crying or dramatic sadness. But depression often shows up as:
- Feeling exhausted even after rest
- Getting irritated by small things that never bothered you before
- Pulling away from family and friends
- Losing interest in things you used to love
- Feeling like you're going through the motions of life
One woman described it to us perfectly: "I feel like I'm failing at everything, but I can't even care anymore." That numbness, that disconnection from your own life that's depression speaking.
If you suspect you have depression - we have a free assessment that can help you assess your symptoms.
5 Key Differences Between Anxiety and Depression
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While these conditions often occur together, here's how to tell them apart:
When You Have Anxiety: Your mind races with worry about the future. You overthink every conversation, every decision. Your body feels tense — tight chest, knotted stomach, clenched jaw. You're terrified of disappointing people. Sleep becomes difficult because your thoughts won't quiet down.
When You Have Depression: The future feels hopeless rather than scary. Making decisions becomes incredibly difficult. Your body feels heavy, like you're moving through thick mud. Things you used to enjoy feel pointless. You might sleep too much or barely at all, but neither helps the exhaustion.
The Cultural Challenge: In India, anxiety gets dismissed as "overreacting" or "being dramatic." Depression gets labeled as "laziness" or "just a phase." But here's the truth — both are real, valid medical conditions that affect millions of women. They're not character flaws or weaknesses.
Energy and Motivation Patterns: With Anxiety: You often have restless, agitated energy that feels hard to channel productively. You might pace, fidget, or feel like you need to constantly be doing something, but the nervous energy makes it difficult to focus on tasks effectively.
With Depression: Energy feels completely depleted, like your internal battery is drained. Even simple tasks like brushing your teeth or making breakfast can feel overwhelming and exhausting.
Relationship to Fear and Avoidance: With Anxiety: Fear is very specific and anticipatory - you avoid situations because you're worried about what might go wrong. You might skip social events because you're anxious about saying something embarrassing, or avoid trying new things because you fear failure.
With Depression: Avoidance comes from a sense of emptiness or disconnection rather than fear. You might withdraw from friends not because you're worried about judgment, but because socializing feels meaningless or you feel like you have nothing to contribute.
Can You Have Both Anxiety and Depression?
Absolutely, and it's more common than you might think. Doctors call this "comorbidity" — having two conditions simultaneously. At Proactive For Her, we see this combination frequently in women dealing with the unique pressures of Indian society.
Picture this: you're constantly anxious about meeting everyone's expectations — your parents', your in-laws', your boss's, your children's. That constant state of worry is exhausting. Over time, that exhaustion can evolve into depression. Or sometimes it works the other way — the hopelessness of depression triggers anxiety about how you're "failing" at life.
Indian women are often the family's emotional backbone, expected to hold everyone together while having no space to express their own struggles. This creates the perfect conditions for both anxiety and depression to develop.
What Causes Anxiety and Depression? Understanding Our Context
While genetics and brain chemistry play a role, let's address the elephant in the room — the specific challenges Indian women face:
Academic and Career Pressure: The relentless competition from school through professional life, combined with the expectation to be modest about your achievements.
Caretaker Burnout: Being the family's emotional manager while your own needs consistently come last. This leads to exhaustion and resentment that many women feel guilty about experiencing.
Sexual Shame and Silence: Growing up with virtually no sex education, then suddenly expected to navigate intimacy in marriage. This disconnect creates confusion, shame, and anxiety around your own sexuality.
Body Image Pressure: The obsession with fair skin, being thin, looking "perfect" according to impossible standards. Social media makes this worse, creating constant comparison and self-criticism.
Marriage Pressure: The endless questions about when you'll marry, the artificial deadlines around age, the stress of arranged marriage meetings. This creates chronic anxiety that many of us normalize as "just part of life."
Fertility Anxiety: Especially after 30, the pressure to have children becomes intense. Combined with our culture's silence around fertility struggles, this creates deep anxiety and shame.
Your emotional health matters — even if nobody taught you that growing up.
Treatment Options That Actually Work
Therapy Isn't Just for "Serious Problems": We often hear, "I thought therapy was only for people with real problems."This breaks our hearts because your problems ARE real problems. Therapy isn't just crisis intervention — it's emotional maintenance. It's learning healthy ways to process stress, set boundaries, and prioritize your own needs.
Medication Isn't About Weakness: Many Indian women fear being labeled "crazy" for taking mental health medication. Let's be crystal clear: medications like antidepressants are prescribed based on science, not weakness. They help rebalance brain chemistry, just like insulin helps with diabetes. There's no shame in using tools that help you feel better.
Lifestyle Changes Make a Real Difference: Regular movement (it doesn't have to be intense exercise), consistent sleep schedules, and stress management techniques all support your mental health. Small, consistent changes often work better than dramatic overhauls.
When Should You Seek Help?
"I kept pushing through until I completely broke down." We hear this story too often. You don't have to wait for rock bottom to ask for help. In fact, getting support early can prevent that breakdown entirely.
Consider reaching out if you're experiencing:
- Persistent worry or sadness lasting more than two weeks
- Changes in your sleep or eating patterns
- Difficulty concentrating at work or managing daily tasks
- Withdrawing from relationships and activities you used to enjoy
- Physical symptoms like headaches or stomach issues with no clear medical cause
- Feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities that used to feel manageable
Remember: asking for help is strength, not failure. It's taking responsibility for your wellbeing.
Still have questions? We're here to help. Contact Proactive For Her for personalized answers and support tailored to your unique situation.
Why Proactive For Her Gets It
We understand because we've lived it. As India's first women-led clinic combining gynecology, mental health, and sexual wellness, we've supported thousands of women through burnout, panic attacks, emotional numbness, and the crushing pressure to be everything to everyone.
We speak your language — literally and emotionally. Our all-women team understands the family dynamics, cultural expectations, and social pressures that shape your mental health struggles. We're trained in trauma-informed, culturally sensitive care because we know that effective treatment must address the whole picture of your life.
At Proactive For Her, you'll never be judged for your struggles, dismissed for your concerns, or rushed through your healing process. We create a safe space where your emotions are valid, your experiences are understood, and your journey toward better mental health is fully supported.
Your mental health isn't a luxury — it's essential. And you deserve care that understands not just your symptoms, but the cultural context that shapes your experience as an Indian woman.
Ready to prioritize your mental health? We're here to walk this journey with you, every step of the way.
FAQs
Q: How do I know if what I'm feeling is actually anxiety or depression, or if I'm just being "dramatic"?
A: First, let's be clear — you're not being dramatic. If you're questioning whether your feelings are valid, that alone tells us you're not overreacting. Anxiety and depression have specific symptoms that interfere with your daily life. If you've been experiencing persistent worry, hopelessness, changes in sleep or appetite, or difficulty concentrating for more than two weeks, these are real symptoms that deserve attention. Trust your instincts about your own experience.
Q: My family says I'm "overthinking" and should just "be positive." How do I know if they're right?
A: While positive thinking can be helpful, anxiety and depression aren't cured by simply "thinking positive." These are medical conditions involving brain chemistry, not character flaws. If positive thinking alone could fix mental health issues, no one would struggle with them. Your family means well, but dismissing your feelings often delays getting the help you need. Your emotional experience is valid, regardless of what others say.
Q: I'm worried about the stigma. What if people find out I'm seeing a therapist or taking medication?
A: We understand this concern completely. At Proactive For Her, confidentiality is our top priority — no one will know unless you choose to tell them. Many successful, strong women receive mental health support. You're not obligated to share this information with anyone. Your healing journey is private and personal.
Q: Can anxiety and depression affect my physical health?
A: Absolutely. Anxiety and depression often show up in your body as headaches, stomach issues, muscle tension, fatigue, changes in appetite, or sleep problems. Many women first visit doctors for physical symptoms, not realizing they're connected to mental health. This mind-body connection is real and well-documented.
Q: I'm planning to get pregnant. Is it safe to take antidepressants or anxiety medication?
A: This is an important conversation to have with a healthcare provider who specializes in women's mental health. Some medications are safe during pregnancy and breastfeeding, while others may need adjustment. At Proactive For Her, we work with you to create a treatment plan that prioritizes both your mental health and reproductive goals. Never stop medication suddenly without medical guidance.
Q: Will therapy really help, or is it just expensive talking?
A: Therapy is much more than talking. It's learning practical tools to manage anxiety and depression, understanding your thought patterns, and developing healthy coping strategies. Research consistently shows therapy is effective for treating both conditions. Many clients see improvement within the first few sessions, though everyone's timeline is different.
Q: My in-laws/family don't "believe" in mental health issues. How do I handle their judgment?
A: You don't need anyone's permission to take care of your health. Just as you wouldn't ask for approval to treat diabetes or high blood pressure, you don't need approval for mental health care. You can choose to keep your treatment private, or educate family members gradually. Your wellbeing comes first.
Q: Is it normal to feel anxious about starting therapy?
A: Completely normal! Starting therapy can feel vulnerable and scary. At Proactive For Her, we understand this anxiety and create a comfortable, judgment-free environment. Your therapist will go at your pace and help you feel safe throughout the process. Many clients find the first session less intimidating than they expected.
Q: How long does treatment take? I want to feel better quickly.
A: We understand the urgency to feel better. Some people notice improvements within weeks, while others take longer. Treatment length depends on factors like symptom severity, how long you've been struggling, and your personal circumstances. The good news is that even small improvements can make a big difference in how you feel day-to-day.
Q: Can I overcome anxiety and depression without medication?
A: Some people manage their symptoms through therapy, lifestyle changes, and support systems alone. Others benefit from medication combined with therapy. There's no "right" way — only what works for you. We'll work together to find the approach that best fits your needs, preferences, and circumstances.
Q: I'm successful in my career. How can I be depressed when my life looks good from the outside?
A: Success and depression aren't mutually exclusive. Many high-achieving women struggle with mental health issues, often because of the pressure to maintain perfection. Depression doesn't discriminate based on career success, income, or external achievements. Your internal experience matters, regardless of how your life appears to others.
Q: What if my husband/partner doesn't understand or support my mental health journey?
A: This is challenging but unfortunately common. Your mental health is non-negotiable, even if your partner doesn't initially understand. Sometimes education helps — sharing resources or inviting them to a session. Other times, you may need to prioritize your healing first and address relationship dynamics later. We can help you navigate these conversations.
Q: I'm worried about the cost. Is mental health care affordable?
A: Mental health is an investment in your overall wellbeing and quality of life. At Proactive For Her, we offer various options to make care accessible. Consider the cost of not addressing your mental health on your relationships, career, and physical health. Many clients find that feeling better actually improves their productivity and relationships.
Q: Can stress from arranged marriage or fertility pressure cause anxiety and depression?
A: Absolutely. Marriage pressure, fertility concerns, and family expectations are significant stressors that can trigger or worsen anxiety and depression. These culturally specific pressures are real and valid reasons to seek support. You're not weak for struggling with these challenges — you're human.
Q: What if I try therapy and it doesn't work?
A: Therapy effectiveness can depend on the fit between you and your therapist, the approach used, and timing. If one therapist or method doesn't work, it doesn't mean therapy won't help — it might mean you need a different approach. At Proactive For Her, we're committed to finding what works for you, even if it means adjusting our approach.
Q: I feel guilty taking time for my mental health when my family needs me. Is this selfish?
A: Taking care of your mental health isn't selfish — it's necessary. Think of it like the airplane oxygen mask analogy: you need to put on your own mask before helping others. When you're mentally healthier, you're actually better able to support your family. Your wellbeing matters too.
Q: How do I know if Proactive For Her is right for me?
A: If you're looking for culturally sensitive, women-centered care that understands the unique challenges Indian women face, we might be a good fit. We combine medical expertise with deep cultural understanding. The best way to know is to reach out for a consultation — we're happy to answer your questions and help you decide if our approach feels right for you.