What makes the "first night" so special?
The first night after a wedding is often considered special for several reasons.
After the excitement and joy of the wedding ceremony, the first night provides an opportunity for the newlyweds to be alone together in a romantic setting, away from the hustle and bustle of the wedding day. It also marks the beginning of a new chapter in the couple's life together. It's the first night they spend together as a married couple, signifying their commitment to each other. It's a time for the couple to deepen their emotional and physical bond. Many couples choose this time to express their love and affection for each other in a more intimate and sexual way.
The first night is a chance for the newlyweds to reflect on their wedding day and the journey that led them to this moment. They may reminisce about their relationship and share their hopes and dreams for the future. There's often a sense of anticipation and excitement leading up to the first night after the wedding. It's a moment that many couples look forward to as they start their married life together.
Overall, the first night after the wedding is special because it's a time for love, connection, and celebration of the commitment the couple has made to each other, in the presence of family and friends.
Most common misconceptions around first night
Keeping all of these points in mind, as to why the first night is special, we cannot deny that there are certain misconceptions surrounding it as well. Here are some misconceptions:
- Expectation of Perfection: Many people believe that the first night should be flawless and magical, akin to a fairy tale. This misconception can create unnecessary pressure on the couple to meet unrealistic standards.
- Pressure for Physical Intimacy: There's often an assumption that the first night must involve immediate and passionate physical intimacy. However, every couple's comfort level and timing are unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all expectation for intimacy on the first night.
- Instant Emotional Bonding: Some expect that the first night will instantly deepen the emotional connection between partners. While it can be a significant milestone in their relationship, building a strong emotional bond takes time and effort beyond just one night.
- Comparison to Media Depictions: Media portrayals of the first night as extravagant or overly romantic can set unrealistic standards. These depictions often don't reflect the diversity of experiences and preferences among real couples.
- Ignoring Practicalities: Couples may overlook the practical aspects of the first night, such as exhaustion from wedding preparations and travel. It's essential to prioritise rest and self-care, rather than feeling pressured to conform to certain expectations.
Understanding these misconceptions can help couples approach their first night after the wedding with more realistic expectations and less pressure, allowing them to focus on what truly matters: starting their journey together as a married couple.
What happens to the hymen on the first night?
The ‘hymen’ is a thin tissue at the opening of the vagina and it is believed by many that it breaks when one has sex for the first time. But this isn’t true for everyone, the hymen tends to either break,tear or stretch during many activities which include penetrative sex. Therefore, before someone’s ‘first time’ it is quite possible that the hymen could have stretched or even torn. If the hymen does at all stretch or break, it may cause minor pain and/or bleeding- which depends from body to body, while many find it ‘pleasurable’ during their first sexual experience.
Tips for ‘him’ & ‘her’ on the first night
Here are certain tips to make the first night less daunting:
1. Communication: Open and honest communication with your partner is crucial. Discuss your feelings, desires, boundaries, and any concerns you may have before engaging in sexual activity. Make sure you both feel comfortable and respected.
2. Foreplay: Engage in plenty of foreplay to enhance arousal and build anticipation. This can include kissing, caressing, massage, and other forms of sensual touch that feel good for both partners.
3. Use Protection: If you're not ready for the possibility of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections, make sure to use appropriate protection, such as condoms or other barrier methods. You can check in with your gynaecologist on what these are.
4. Relaxation: Try to relax and stay in the moment. Nervousness is normal, especially during a first sexual experience, but focusing on deep breathing and pleasure can help ease tension.
5. Lubrication: If needed, use a water-based lubricant to reduce friction and enhance comfort during intercourse. This is especially important if either partner experiences discomfort or dryness.
6. Aftercare: After sex, take time to cuddle, talk, and reaffirm your emotional connection. It's essential to show care and affection for each other, especially after such an intimate experience. For females, make sure to urinate after intercourse in order to limit the risk of an infection.
7. Practice Self-Care: Engage in self-care activities after your first sexual experience to nurture your emotional well-being. This might include journaling, spending time alone, or engaging in activities that bring you comfort and joy.
Take It Slow
There's no need to rush. Take your time exploring each other's bodies and discovering what feels good. Focus on pleasure and intimacy rather than trying to meet any specific expectations or goals.
Get to know your own body
Pay attention to your body's signals and communicate with your partner about what feels good and what doesn't. Don't hesitate to speak up if something is uncomfortable or painful.
Why communication is important
Creating comfort during sex is crucial for an enjoyable and satisfying experience. Discuss your desires, preferences, and any concerns with your partner. This ensures that both of you are on the same page and can make adjustments as needed. You can even together with each other practise relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or mindfulness exercises before and during sex to help alleviate any tension or anxiety. If needed, discuss using lubrication on yourself and your partner to reduce friction and enhance comfort during intercourse, especially if you experience vaginal dryness.
Do emotional factors impact ‘first’ sexual encounters?
First times are often full of nerves for most of us, so it isn’t any different when it comes to the first sexual encounter. Emotions can either strengthen or weaken the entire experience and sexual desire. Usually, the anxiety and nervousness hinders sexual arousal leading to outcomes which may not reach either partner’s expectations. Whilst if you’re in luck and both of you share positive feelings, the outcomes are high satisfaction!
How to make yourself comfortable during sex
Explore different sexual positions to find ones that are most comfortable and pleasurable for both you and your partner. Don't hesitate to switch positions if something feels uncomfortable. Also, engage in plenty of foreplay to relax your body and increase arousal gradually. Rushing into intercourse can sometimes lead to discomfort. Use pillows or cushions to support your body in various positions, especially if you have any physical limitations or discomfort, and then set the mood by adjusting the temperature and lighting in the room to your liking. Feeling too hot, cold, or having harsh lighting can detract from comfort. To feel good about yourself, prioritise self-care practices such as grooming, bathing, and wearing clothing that makes you feel confident and comfortable in your own skin.
Acknowledge the difference in your turn ons
Pay attention to your body's signals and communicate with your partner if something doesn't feel right. It's essential to prioritise your comfort and well-being during sex.
Making the first night comfortable for yourself and your partner sets the tone for a fulfilling and intimate relationship. By prioritising open communication, relaxation techniques, and mutual respect, you can create an environment where both partners feel valued, understood, and at ease. Experimenting with different techniques, such as using lubrication, exploring various sexual positions, and taking things slow, allows for a more pleasurable and comfortable experience. Ultimately, the key lies in mutual understanding, empathy, and a willingness to prioritise each other's comfort and pleasure, laying the foundation for a strong and satisfying relationship.
Conclusion
Remember, everyone's first sexual experience is different, and there's no right or wrong way to feel about it. Focus on mutual respect, pleasure, and emotional connection, and prioritise each other’s comfort and well-being above all else.
If you’re experiencing challenges with intercourse or have experienced pain with intercourse, schedule a vaginismus screening call with one of our experts! Learn more about our award-winning Vaginismus Healing Program.
FAQs
1. Is it normal for sex to hurt the first time after marriage?
Ans. Yes! Mild pain or discomfort is normal and can happen during the first time, owing to tension, less lubrication, or the hymen. It is suggested to go slow, use lubricants and if the pain substantially increases or persists then seek medical help.
2. What causes pain during first-time intercourse?
Ans. The first time can be painful or uncomfortable due to factors like being nervous (about the penis size or the experience) or insufficient lubrication. The hymen- a thin, ring-like membrane covering the entrance of the vagina, tends to tear or stretch during penetration causing pain or slight bleeding. However, not all women experience this as hymen varies in each body.
3. How can we reduce discomfort during our first sexual experience? / Is there a "right way" to have sex the first try?
Ans. Few ways you could reduce any discomfort are:
- Stay relaxed and avoid any tension which could lead to muscle tightness
- Communicate openly for mutual understanding and consent.
- Use lubricants and take it slow
- Try foreplay to build up the stimulation
4. What is vaginismus, and could it affect our first night?
Ans. Vaginismus is a condition in which the vaginal muscles tighten involuntarily and interfere with vaginal intercourse causing pain when there is penetration. Therefore, yes, it could affect your first night/experience causing pain and deflecting penetration. We suggest you communicate openly, relax and seek medical help.
5. Should we use lubrication during our first intercourse?
Ans. Yes! It is highly recommended to lubricate during your first time having intercourse because it reduces friction which also prevents condom damage, and allows smoother movement.
6. Is it necessary to have intercourse on the wedding night?
Ans. No, it's not necessary to have intercourse on the wedding night. Intimacy should happen when both partners feel comfortable, ready, and mutually consenting.
7. What if one of us feels anxious about our first sexual experience? / What are a few things I can do if my partner is nervous regarding this?
Ans. You should take it slow. Start by acknowledging their emotions and focus on creating an emotional connection, avoid pressurizing and try to have open conversations. Prioritize each other’s comfort, consent and patience!
8. Can previous sexual trauma affect our first night together?
Ans. Yes, previous sexual trauma can affect intimacy, bring up emotions like- anxiety, fear, which cause discomfort. Ensuring patience, emotional support & honest conversations is essential. When one is ready, they can seek professional help to further aid their healing process.
9. How can we improve communication about our sexual expectations?
Ans. Have open and honest conversations about boundaries and desires, listen without judgement, show empathy and be respectful to build trust so emotions can be expressed and understood clearly.
10. When should we seek professional help for painful intercourse? / How do I tell if the pain is normal or needs to be addressed?
Ans. If your pain persists or if it grows severe, accompanied with burning and/or emotional distress, then consult a medical professional to diagnose or rule out any possibilities.
11. Is bleeding after the first time normal? What if I don't bleed?
Ans. Yes, it is totally normal to bleed during your first time, since the penetration tears the hymen- which is at the opening of your vagina, there is minimal bleeding. But it is also common for one to not bleed because hymen varies from person to person, it can even stretch before your first encounter due to normal day to day activities.
12. What if one or both of us have no prior experience?
Ans. It is completely normal for both or either of you to not be experienced. To ensure a positive first time, focus on emotional intimacy first, take it slow and openly communicate so you can explore all desires within boundaries. Patience and understanding always makes the experience positive!