Introduction: Is Sex Supposed to Be Painful for Women?
Over 650 Indian women have walked through our doors at Proactive, each carrying a story that sounds familiar: "I thought this was just how it's supposed to be." They come to us confused, ashamed, or after being told that pain during sex is simply "normal" – especially for women. But here's what we want every woman to know: while pain during sex is unfortunately common, it is absolutely not normal.
The truth is, most doctors don't ask the right follow-up questions when women mention painful sex. A typical conversation might go like this: "Doctor, sex is really painful for me." "Oh, just use more lubricant and try to relax." End of discussion. But pain during intimacy deserves so much more attention than a quick dismissal. It's often a sign that something needs care and understanding, not just "getting used to it."
At Proactive, we've learned that listening deeply changes everything. We treat every woman without judgment and without rushing into unnecessary internal examinations. Because your comfort and understanding come first, always.
Vaginismus Symptoms: The Most Misunderstood Cause
Let's talk about something that affects thousands of women but rarely gets discussed openly: vaginismus. Simply put, vaginismus happens when the muscles around your vagina tighten involuntarily – completely beyond your control. It's like when you accidentally touch something hot and your hand pulls away instantly. Your body is trying to protect you, but it's happening when you don't actually need protection.
Having spoken with over 15,000 women, we've seen how vaginismus shows up differently for everyone. Some women can't insert anything at all – not a tampon, not a finger, nothing. Others might manage a gynecological exam but find penetration during intimacy impossible or extremely painful. Some women don't even realize they have vaginismus until they try to have sex for the first time.
Our vaginismus care approach combines three important elements: therapy to understand the emotional side, gynecological care to address any physical factors, and pelvic floor work to help those muscles learn to relax again. We've found that most women feel an immediate sense of relief just hearing that there's a name for what they're experiencing. You're not broken, you're not weird, and you're definitely not alone.
Sexual Dysfunction in Women: What It Really Means
The term "sexual dysfunction" can sound scary and clinical, but let's break it down in simple terms. It might mean having little to no interest in sex (low libido), difficulty getting aroused even when you want to be, or trouble reaching orgasm. These experiences are more common than you might think.
We've developed a comprehensive assessment tool – our FSFI quiz – that helps women understand their symptoms better. It's not about labeling you or making you feel like something's wrong with you. Instead, it helps us understand your unique experience so we can provide the right kind of support.
Here's what we've learned from years of working with women: many so-called "dysfunctions" are actually completely normal reactions to shame, fear, or past difficult experiences. When society tells you that your pleasure doesn't matter, or when you've had painful experiences in the past, your body and mind naturally respond by protecting you. That's not dysfunction – that's your system working exactly as it should to keep you safe.
We always screen for both hormonal factors and emotional factors together, because they're often interconnected. Your hormones affect your emotions, and your emotions affect your physical responses. We look at the whole picture, not just isolated symptoms.
Psychological Factors: Your Mind Is Not the Enemy
Your nervous system is incredibly smart. When it senses danger – real or perceived – it activates protective responses. You might freeze up, shut down, or feel an overwhelming urge to avoid the situation entirely. This isn't weakness; it's your body trying to take care of you.
In our therapy rooms, we hear certain fears come up again and again. Fear of rape or assault, pressure to please a partner even when you don't want to, guilt about wanting or enjoying sex, worry about not being "good enough" – these are the conversations that happen daily in our safe spaces.
We approach every woman's story with trauma-informed care and cultural sensitivity. This means we understand that growing up in India comes with specific messages about pain, virginity, and what women are "supposed" to endure. We help you unpack these messages and decide which ones actually serve you.
Many women mention the Nirbhaya case during therapy sessions. The collective trauma of that event, and countless others like it, lives in our bodies and affects how we relate to intimacy and safety. We acknowledge this reality and work with it as part of your healing journey.
Physical Factors: What Could Be Happening in Your Body
Sometimes painful sex has clear physical causes. Endometriosis can cause deep, aching pain during penetration. Infections – whether bacterial, fungal, or viral – can make everything feel raw and tender. Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) can cause ongoing pain that affects intimacy. Hormonal changes, especially around menstruation, pregnancy, or menopause, can affect how comfortable sex feels.
Unfortunately, many women spend years getting misdiagnosed. We've met countless women who were told they had recurring UTIs when they actually had vulvodynia, or who were dismissed as having "anxiety" when they had very real physical conditions that needed treatment.
We're trained to recognize the difference between physical and emotional factors – though honestly, it's often both. Your body and mind are connected, and what affects one affects the other. Physical pain can create emotional stress, and emotional stress can manifest as physical symptoms.
When to Seek Professional Help
Here's something we want every woman to know: pain is not something to power through. It's not a test of your strength or love for your partner. Pain is your body's way of communicating that something needs attention. Listening to that signal isn't weakness – it's wisdom.
Some clear signs that you should seek professional help include pain with every attempt at penetration, burning or stinging sensations that don't go away, or complete inability to insert even a finger or tampon. But honestly, you don't need to wait for severe symptoms. If sex isn't comfortable or enjoyable for you, that's reason enough to seek support.
Here's what a consultation with us looks like: We start by talking. Really talking. We want to understand your experience, your concerns, and your goals. We don't rush you into any physical examinations unless they're essential and you're comfortable with them. We believe in full-body and mind support, which means we look at your overall health, your relationships, your stress levels, and your emotional well-being.
We know that coming to see us might feel scary or overwhelming. That's completely normal. We've created our space to be as comfortable and non-judgmental as possible. Your healing journey is unique to you, and we're here to support you every step of the way.
Remember: you deserve pleasure, comfort, and joy in your intimate life. Pain during sex is common, but it's not something you have to accept as your reality. With the right support and care, healing is possible.
Why Proactive for her?
We've walked alongside over 650 women as they moved from fear and pain to ease and confidence. Each journey has been unique, but what remains constant is our commitment to meeting you exactly where you are. Whether this is your first time seeking help or you're exhausted from your tenth doctor visit that left you feeling unheard, we see you.
Our care is built on three foundations: empathy, science, and zero shame. You don't have to "prove" your pain to us. You don't need to bring test results or convince us that what you're experiencing is real. We believe you from the moment you walk in. Your experience matters, your comfort matters, and your healing matters.
Some women come to us feeling broken after years of being told "it's all in your head" or "just relax and it will get better." Others arrive feeling embarrassed about things that are completely normal parts of human experience. Whatever your story, whatever your starting point, we're here to listen, understand, and work with you toward the intimacy and comfort you deserve.
Remember: you deserve pleasure, comfort, and joy in your intimate life. Pain during sex is common, but it's not something you have to accept as your reality. With the right support and care, healing is possible.
FAQ
Q: How do I know if my pain during sex is vaginismus or something else?
A: Vaginismus typically involves involuntary muscle tightening that makes penetration difficult or impossible. You might feel like there's a "wall" preventing entry, or experience burning, stinging pain. Other conditions like endometriosis cause deeper, aching pain during penetration. Our FSFI assessment helps identify your specific symptoms, but proper diagnosis requires a consultation where we listen to your complete experience.
Q: What exactly happens during your integrated care approach?
A: Instead of seeing separate doctors for different issues, you get a team that works together. Your gynecologist, therapist, and pelvic floor specialist communicate with each other about your care. This means we address physical symptoms, emotional factors, and relationship concerns simultaneously, rather than treating them as separate problems.
Q: I've been told my pain is "all in my head." How is your approach different?
A: We never dismiss pain as psychological when it feels physical to you. Pain is real, regardless of its origin. Our trauma-informed approach recognizes that emotional factors can create very real physical symptoms, and physical conditions can cause emotional distress. We treat both aspects with equal seriousness and never make you feel like you're imagining things.
Q: What does "trauma-informed care" actually mean for someone like me?
A: It means we understand that past experiences – whether sexual trauma, medical trauma, or even cultural messages about women's bodies – can affect how you experience intimacy today. We don't push you to share details you're not ready to discuss. We work at your pace, always ensure you feel in control, and recognize that healing isn't linear.
Q: You mention screening for hormonal and emotional factors together. What does this involve?
A: We look at how your hormones might be affecting your mood, energy, and physical comfort, while also understanding how stress, anxiety, or past experiences might be impacting your hormones. This might include blood tests, but also conversations about your sleep, stress levels, menstrual cycle, and life circumstances. Everything is connected.